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Category: Transformation

  • Leah’s Greatest Gift to Me

    Life is full of lessons.

    From the time we first make our way into this world we are learning. Our first years are spent familiarizing ourselves with our environment and the people who care for us. We are eager learners taking in all that we see, touch, hear, and taste. The exuberance of a baby is life affirming.

    As we grow and begin school our ways of learning change. Some things interest us more than others and we gravitate toward them. Sometimes we become almost obsessed with a topic and we cannot get enough. We read about it, and take every opportunity to engage in activities that brings us into direct contact with our obsession. That obsession can then become a passion.  That passion may change from time to time, and thus brings more experiences into our realm of knowing.  If we are lucky, this trend continues throughout our life.

    But what happens when we find ourselves feeling like we no longer have any inspiration, like we have lost our passion and do not know how to get it back again? Sometimes we go through our lives with blinders on.  We think we have enough time to learn what we want to learn, or do what we want to do…..later.  But when is later?

    My grief journey presented me with a sense of urgency to live life to the fullest.

    Are the lessons I learned ones that I would have learned anyway, without the plunge into the deep well of grief? Maybe, some of them.  Yes, I was on a path of enlightenment. I was doing inner work, sometimes. However, after Leah died I knew in every cell of my body that losing her was much too high a price to pay to not be exactly who I am.

    Early on in my journey I was not sure I would make it. After the early grief stage passed and I came to a place that held a little more peace and was less overwhelming, the urgency to live life to the fullest was there to encourage me.

    Spurred on by the knowing that losing my daughter was too high a price to pay to not be who I am led me into some of the deepest work of my life. It was painful; deconstructing a life is always painful, however it was not as painful as not having Leah physically in my life.

    I  now see this as one of the greatest gifts Leah gave to me, the quest for my True Heart.

    The quest to find my authentic self, to live in alignment with that Truth, and most importantly to listen deeply to my own guidance.  I came to truly know my Self for the first time. I learned what my guidance, my intuition, really felt like in my body and learned to listen to it with devotion. Through the process of this initiation I learned what brings me pleasure, what nourishes me, how important it is for me to dance and color with my crayons. I learned what does not nourish me and no longer serves me.  I have come to call this essence of me that only I can know and understand my Nanci-ness.  Only I could be the me that I am, only you can be the you that you are.

    Wherever you find yourself in your own grief journey, the possibility exists for you to come into the fullness of who you are. Whether you are mourning the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or lost opportunity, you are at a threshold to self-discovery. I invite you to cross that threshold, to enter the unknown.

    We are always in the unknown.

  • Grief as Journey

    I often talk about grief being a journey. One of my clients asked me the other day exactly what that means. So I explained that we can go through our lives traversing or sidestepping disappointments, setbacks, and perceived failures; wondering what we have to do to have our lives turn out the way we want or hope them to become. Often it is not until we have a larger loss, like the loss of a loved one, that we are thrown into a grief so deep that it completely dismantles our life as we knew it.

    Each person’s grief journey is unique.

    Knowing and accepting it can be a turning point in the journey. Early on in my own journey, knowing my daughter’s physical presence would be forever missing from my life, grief hung over me like a heavy burden. I vividly remember, a few years after she died, that it was the summer of the cicadas in Maryland. The sound was always there, sometimes louder, sometimes softer, but relentless in its continual roar. That is how my grief felt to me in those days, continual and relentless. It was always present in the background of everything I did.

    It was during this time that I was taking time each day to be with and feel my feelings as they were showing up for me. Knowing I was making space each day for my feelings to be as messy, painful, and raw as they were eventually allowed me to have more and more time during the course of my day to concentrate on the work of putting my life back together. Was it easy? Absolutely not. And I have shared more than once that losing my daughter was way too high a price to not be who I am. This was the guiding principle in the early days of my grief.

    We are faced with the choice of attempting to find meaning again or staying in our pain.

    Maybe we do not even recognize that we have a choice. Maybe we are aimlessly going through our life trying to find our way not know which direction to turn. Our grief journey does not begin the moment a loved one dies and does not complete at some arbitrary time in the future after we have gone through all of the stages of grief in an orderly fashion.

    Grief is not orderly; it does not follow one particular path. It is messy. It is not linear. It looms big one minute and the next we have a glimmer of an understanding.

    Our daily disappointments take on a new dimension in the face of a traumatic loss of a loved one. Our priorities can change and often do. Things that we used to do now do not make sense. Life-changing major losses, whether it is the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or health related have the potential to turn our lives upside down and inside out. How we put them back together again is all part of our journey.

    At some point I was able to move into a place of purpose, of knowing that my grief journey was leading me into my most authentic self. When did that happen? It took a long time, and for me it was gradual. Everyone is on his or her own time; there is no

    right answer to that question. What I can tell you is that each time I surrendered to my feelings, as they appeared in my heart, I received blessings and grace.
    It brings to mind Rumi’s poem,

    Zero Circle:

    Be helpless and dumbfounded, unable to say yes or no.

    Then a stretcher will come
    from grace to gather us up.
    We are too dull-eyed to see the beauty. If we say “Yes we can,” we’ll be lying.

    If we say “No, we don’t see it,”
    that “No” will behead us
    and shut tight our window into spirit.

    So let us not be sure of anything,
    beside ourselves, and only that, so miraculous beings come running to help.

    Crazed, lying in a zero-circle, mute,
    we will be saying finally,
    with tremendous eloquence, “Lead us.”

    When we’ve totally surrendered to that beauty, we’ll become a mighty kindness.

    version by Coleman Barks

    Saying yes to your grief journey can be one of the biggest gifts of your life. It will open you up to the messiness and joy of life.

    It will lead you to your authentic self.

  • Learning My Own Lessons

    This past week, when I returned from Omaha, I was given an opportunity to practice what I teach. I arrived home Monday evening and settled in at home. Tuesday morning I woke up bright and early, did my morning sitting in silence practice, and headed off to yoga. I got in my car, turned the key and nothing. The car did not start. My initial thought was to panic and my helpless one sat there and said internally, “Ok, great! Now what?” I paused, took a deep breath (or two or three) and then called Dan. He reminded me that we had roadside assistance through our motor club. I called for assistance. Someone came out and used jumper cables on the battery to start the car. I drove around the block to charge up the battery.

    Here’s where the story gets amusing. I was afraid to stop the car in case it did not start again. As I drove I noticed my speedometer was registering a really fast speed leading me to believed the speedometer was broken. Luckily, as I drove around the block, I received a text canceling my morning appointment. I took that as a sign to drive directly to the car dealership and have the battery checked so that I could go to sleep that night without worrying that my car would not start the next morning. My initial trepidation was gone. I went from whatever triggered that helpless one to a fully empowered person taking care of the a difficult situation. I stayed in the moment. I did not feel stressed out or like something was happening to me. It was a great feeling. The battery was replaced and car is running like new again. But wait, what about that speedometer issue? When the battery was jump started the car’s computer defaulted to kph, so it was just my perception that the car was going faster. This is a great example of how perception is NOT reality; but that is another topic for a future newsletter.

    As I reflected on these events, I realized that there was a point where this could have gone several ways. In the past there were times that an event like this would have ruined not only my day, but several days. What was the difference this time? I allowed myself to fully feel my helplessness; to ask who was the one feeling helpless and what did she need? Taking the time to be with your feelings, all of them, in the heat of the moment, is the difference that makes the difference. I did not formally sit in Samyama. I did however meet that helpless child in my heart. I gave her what she needed, love and attention; and then told her I would take over. That helpless child could relax and trust because I was available to take care of and resolve the difficult issue.

    What do you do when you are triggered, either by a person or event? Do you pay attention to the one that is triggered? This is usually a part of yourself that is not integrated. It could show up as a younger self, an inner child that remembers a similar past event that now acts as a trigger.

    Pay attention to this part of yourself whenever they show up and in whatever way they show up. This awareness can help when you are in a difficult situation. It can assist you
    in transitioning from that younger self to the part of yourself that can resolve the current situation.

    Some questions to ask when you are triggered:

    • Does this feeling remind me of how I felt as a child?
    • If so, what is the age of that child?
    • Do I feel shame, anger, fear, or any other emotion that does not make sense given the current situation?
    • What lesson does this person or situation have for me? (Often we are put in these situations to provide an opportunity to integrate or heal something from our childhood that has not been healed.)

    You can write about any insights that arise from these questions. Each time you feel triggered ask one or more of these questions again.

    In my next newsletter I will spend more time writing about inner child work and how you can learn to give your younger selves what they did not receive as a child. Be gentle with yourself as you begin to sit with these questions. Let me know what happens for you as you delve into these questions.

    In Service to Love,

    Nancy

  • Your Inner Child Holds the Key

    I always think that when I promise to expand on a topic in my next newsletter that it will practically write itself; that I will not have to work hard on writing it. I’ll let you in on a secret, when it is time for me to write my newsletter it does practically write itself! The words flow effortlessly from my fingertips. When writing feels difficult I know it is not yet time to write or I am trying too hard rather than sitting and asking within what wants to come forth this time. The times writing feels difficult, when I am trying too hard to write about something that I think I should write about, one of the ways I break through is to ask myself.

    who is struggling and how old are they?

    This is a way to get in touch with younger versions of yourself that may be triggered by an event, a person, or a situation like writing a newsletter.
    I’ve recently been in touch with my inner 12 year old. She is very quiet like I was when I was 12. I am giving her lots of love and attention. I am letting her know she is welcome and I am available to listen anytime she wants to talk to me. Giving attention to our younger selves allows us to provide ourselves with what we needed but did not get at that age. It is a way for us to parent ourselves right now. Welcoming, listening, and loving helps integrate that younger part of our self and brings healing to our hearts.

    Grief often brings up many associative memories.

    Our younger selves may be wrapped up in those memories and they can trigger a response in us now that is unexpected. How can you unravel those triggered emotion by getting in touch with your younger selves? When you feel yourself being triggered by a person, an experience, or an event ask yourself: who is being triggered and how old do they feel? Take time to breathe into the feeling. Allow your younger selves to be there however they show up. They may be reticent and not want to engage right away. If you are new to inner child work, just trust that whatever age show up is the right one needed at the time. Let them know they are loved and welcome. Let them know they can talk to you when they are ready.

    There are a few ways you can engage with them:

    You can write to them, letting them write answers in you non-dominant hand (my personal favorite is using crayons).
    You can ask them questions and feel their answers.
    You can invite them to draw or scribble.
    You can ask your younger self how they want to communicate with you.

    They can give you clues to parts of yourself that need healing.

    The key is to give them lots of love and space. Give them what you needed but did not receive when you were that age. Inner child work is another resource to unravel the myriad of feeling that make up grief. There may be times when you cry that remind you of your childhood, such as when you were sad because a beloved pet died. In the present time these feelings seem tied to a loss you are currently experiencing which does not make sense to you. Our younger selves are there to assist with all our feelings as we journey through life. Providing them with what they need and want can put us in touch with our deepest longings. Next time you feel sad, confused, angry, or upset ask yourself if it is a younger self trying to communicate. Let your younger selves come out to play. You may be surprised and delighted by what they bring into your life.
    Let me know what you discover

  • How to Listen to Your Own Heart

    I am more aware lately of how inundated we are with messages. They are everywhere: on billboards, television, Facebook, and in magazines to name a few places. Everywhere we look we see advice for every issue or problem we may have. These messages have good intentions. Someone found a way to make a problem better, a way that works for them, a way to make life easier or to attain a goal. Yet, if there are so many solutions, why are so many people still looking? Why are they still seeking the one thing that will make the difference to them in their situation? This is an excellent question.

    In my work as an Eating Psychology Coach I help people to learn to listen to their own bodies, to find a way to eat and move that are sustainable to their unique body.

    Every diet or eating plan out there has good information, however when it is applied to everyone equally some people will find it does not work for them. Learning how to truly nourish your body in alignment with your distinctive needs is a process that begins with slowing down, tuning in and really listening. I help my Eating Psychology clients to hear what their bodies are saying to them, experiment with high quality food and utilize practices to find the right fit for them.
    This has a correlation with grief work.

    There are as many different ways to meet grief as there are people on this planet.

    So often we hear that we should; ” just get over it”, or “get past it”, or “find closure”. When I hear these words I believe the person giving that advice wants to feel better and/or not be reminded of what you are going through. You can find a way to walk your journey with grief that meets your own unique way of being in this world. Your path does not have to resemble anyones. It can be distinctly your journey. Below are some ways of meeting grief.
    Choose a time when you will not be disturbed for 30 minutes to an hour. You can take as long as you would like, and when you are first starting this practice, a shorter amount of time may feel more doable.
    Begin by closing your eyes and becoming aware of your breathing. If you know Samyama, that is a good way to start. (Learn more about Samyama here.) If not, just start by breathing and bringing awareness to your heart.
    Think of a difficult situation from your past, a situation that you successfully moved through. Write down everything about that time that helped you get through it. Keep writing; don’t stop at 2 or 3 things. Even if you are not sure if something helped or not, jot it down. You can repeat this part of the exercise several times using different experiences. This may help you see a pattern.
    Now take some time to look over your list(s). Are there things on your list that you find yourself doing often? Things that nourish you or bring you pleasure? Things that comfort you? What did you turn to in every situation that helped you move through these difficult times?
    Consider doing one of these activities or practices in response to your feelings of grief. What would this look like for you? Perhaps you can do a ten-minute writing about a feeling, or take a walk and ask for messages from your loved one. Or you could light a candle, think about your loved one and allow yourself to cry. The important part is to honor your own feelings and your own heart. You know what is best for yourself.

    Take some time to do this practice regularly, and each time you will discover more and more about your own process, your own way of doing things, the way that makes sense to you…….I’ll give you a hint, your way is consistent with all aspects of your life. When you truly discover it, it will be effortless, and won’t feel like a chore.

    The process may not always be comfortable, nonetheless, it will work for you and your life with unfold in miraculous ways.

  • Feeling Better or Getting Better

    As I have mourned my Aunt these last few weeks, and heard of others who have lost beloved family members, I have been taken down the rabbit hole of my own grief once again. Each time I do this it is with new awareness. I take with me all of the realizations that have come into my consciousness as I am walking this path, living with my grief and helping others to be with their grief. What I found out this time is something I have always known, that we meet various aspects of our grief when we are ready, when we have done the work that will allow us to go deeper into the feelings that arise.
    This is what happened. I was feeling a distinct need to write about Leah, my daughter. I was not feeling particularly sad. I could have easily ignored the feeling. It was not a strong feeling but it was persistent and had a quality that I have come to trust as my intuition wanting to speak. I began writing without knowing what I was going to write. And the dam broke open. I was taken to such a deep, raw grief. The feelings were familiar. They were so raw and real that I had always been afraid of expressing them because I thought I would go mad. As I wrote, tears streaming down my face, I knew that I could not have faced these feelings before now. I needed to do the work I have done up until this moment so these particular feelings could come bursting through. I needed to recognize my intuition and trust it. I needed to know that I could hold all of my feelings, even if, as I was writing them, I did not want to. After I completed my writing, I was spent and felt completely empty. I just allowed myself to be there.

    What I want you to know about this experience is this; it was not comfortable. I did not like it when it was happening but I knew it was a part of my journey and initiation. This is a part of the conversation that I want to change, not just around grief but about any experience that is uncomfortable. I was lamenting to one of my mentors recently about a different uncomfortable experience and she asked me this question,

    “Who said Divine arrangement is always comfortable?”

    Michael Brown in The Presence Process says, “… we need to get better at feeling rather than trying to feel better.”

    What this means to me is that all feelings are valid. All feelings want to be met exactly as they arise. Yes, they may be uncomfortable, but moving through them and feeling them exactly as they are allows them to shift and to give us new awareness. This is what I mean when I talk about initiation and a grief journey. It is really our life journey and grief is a part of it. Each day we are given opportunities to face a little part of death. Each day a part of us dies. For example, an idea we had doesn’t work out; someone we think of as a friend does something hurtful; or a story that we told ourselves our entire life no longer serves us. Each of these daily deaths provides us with opportunities to grieve parts of our lives that have changed. These situations give us a chance to hone our grief skills. They allow us to practice so that when a big grief comes along we already have a context for our own process and a starting point. You already know how to be with uncomfortable feelings because you have gotten better at actually feeling.
    Take a minute to ask yourself now,

    How good am I at feeling?

    When I am uncomfortable, how can I be with my feelings without pushing them away?

    What ways of being with feelings have I discovered that works for me?

    You will know when you find your way. You will feel a deep resonance with your inner self. The more time you spend asking yourself these sacred questions, the more familiar you will get with the way your Soul speaks to you. Your Soul is your intuition, your connection to God and the Divine. Getting better at feeling is one way to move through the muck that sometimes makes you feel stuck. It is a way to move you closer to living from your genius and being your fully expressed self.

  • And The Winner Is….

    A few weeks ago I asked for help deciding what to call myself. I received great feedback, from choosing one of the names I shared to suggestions of alternate names. It seems that every name that arose to describe what I do resonated with someone. I sat with all of the names for a few weeks. One name was not rising to the top easily. One day Grief Journey Guide nudged me, and the next day Grief Coach wanted to make its name heard. Something about Grief evolution spoke to me as well as Mentor and Partner. I can tell you now that my own favorite was Grief Alchemist, and yet as I continued to sit with the energy of all of these names, I did not resonate with calling myself any of them.

    It was then that I realized that all of them describe a part of my work and none of them described me.

    It took me back to my childhood when I did not like to be labeled. I didn’t want to be put in one box so that someone would only know me as “the quiet one”. While I certainly was quiet back then, inside I felt like a lot of other things, I was just unable to describe them at the time, hence the label quiet one.

    Now though I am not quite as quiet. I have come to know and understand my strengths and characteristics. I can tell you what they are and for the most part I feel comfortable doing so. And even though naming what I am as I bring my work to the world is not merely a label; it brought up some of those old feelings.
    This is another example of how what we face everyday gives us opportunity to revisit old wounds and feelings. This experience allowed me to integrate and heal a part of myself that quite frankly I was unaware needed healing. This is what happens when we follow the thread of the present moment and be with whatever that moment excavates for us.

    Pay attention to everyday occurrences.

     

    When something stands out, ask yourself if there is a lesson there. Drop the question into your heart, that is, breathe and become aware of your heart center, bring the question to your heart and see if an answer arises. As you continue this practice, you may be surprised what you learn about yourself.

    So what did I decide to call myself? What was very clear to me as I sat with all of the names and your responses is that I do not have to call myself anything. I do not have to limit the perception of what I do to one name. All of the names describe a part of how I interface with a client and do not conclusively summarize everything I do. I will use all of the names as descriptors. The clients that are drawn to my work will come to me through my descriptions of how I work and what I do. Here they are again. Look at them now, not as defining who I am, but rather as describing how I am with a client.

    Grief Evolution Specialist/Coach
    Grief Transformation Specialist/Coach
    Grief Alchemist
    Grief Journey Guide
    Grief Process Partner
    Grief Journey Coach
    Grief Mentor

    Thank you all for your help with this process. Whether you contributed a name or simply read the email and considered what name you were drawn to, you all held the space for me to integrate this lesson. I am grateful.

     

  • Where are you Being Called?

    My guidance lately has been scrupulous devotion to the present moment. Deeply diving into the mystery of each moment. The stories in my head are active. They ask me that how can I be productive if I am spending all my time being in the present moment. And while “production” has not been my biggest goal right now as I come out of the processing of the most recent dip into the well of grief, things are getting done. I am pretty sure I am doing them since I made the list that has items crossed off. My inquiry each morning is, show me the mystery of each moment. I am getting clearer and clearer about what that means.

    These are some of my discoveries:

    Time takes on a different dimension.

    When I am in the moment I am lost in my activity. I am not looking at the clock, or checking email or Facebook. I am more focused. There is more flow in my day.

    I am living more and more from a place of abundance, nourishment and pleasure rather than deprivation. I ask myself more often if my actions support life. When they don’t, I take some time to bring those feelings to my heart and ask why they don’t support life.

    I can’t describe the mystery of the present moment and I yet I know it when I am there. This is another way of saying I am getting more and more comfortable being in the unknown. A place where I do not need to know why, a place of surrender.

    The present moment is where the magic happens.

    Where alchemy happens. It is where the unexplainable is transformed into the understood.

    I am not suggesting that you take on my practice for your own. For too long I tried to mimic the practice of someone I admired as my own. What works for one person may not necessarily work for another.

    I would like to invite you into your own heart to discover what practice, what self-care ritual, what creative endeavors are calling to you.

    Take some time each day to ask yourself one or more of these questions. Choose the ones that call to you.

    What inspires me?

    What nourishes me?

    Where is life calling me?

    Write down all of your answers. What keeps coming up and just will not let you alone? That is a clue for you. Maybe it is something that you do now and you are being called deeper into that practice. Or maybe it is something brand new to you. Whatever it is, take some time to investigate how you can add it to your life. Remember you can think of it as an experiment. Try it for a while. You can always try something else later. This is your life.

    Create the life that expresses your true essence.

    A life that inspires you to live your best life possible.
    I’d love to hear what you think. Send me an email, or leave a comment below.

  • Another Turn of the Spiral of Grief

    I didn’t think it was possible to go any deeper into the initiation of my daughter Leah’s death, I really didn’t. I’ve been at it for almost 14 years now. It led me out of the depths of devastation. It led me to step fully into this work. And yet I find myself going deeper. As I spend my time writing my book and preparing my speech I am revisiting memories that I haven’t thought about for a long time. Each time I do there is a little more insight into my life, Leah’s life and my path here on planet earth. What I realize is that the grief process is a spiral. As I revisit memories of her life and death today, I am ready to go deeper than I did before. The spiral is taking a new turn and from this vantage point things look different. As I look at memories from here and gain new insights, I am reminded that this is now my work. The extent that I am able to engage my own ongoing grief journey is directly related to the way I can show up to help others. This is a humbling realization. The heartening thing for me is that my journey does have a purpose. I really have come into the true expression of myself, a longing that I always had. It just looks different than I ever imagined it would look, and the path it took and is taking is certainly not what I would have chosen, at least consciously.

    Do you have a longing to step into a life that you have always known is possible?

    The good news is that you already have what you are looking for, and the ways to excavate it are already present in your life. If you are ready to discover what your heart already knows, here are some steps you can take to bring you closer to your longing.

    Take a look around.

    Are you finding yourself in some of the same situations again and again and wondering why?

    What is the common denominator with all of them?
    What lessons do these situations have for you?

    Every experience you have is bringing you a lesson that is valid for you and you alone.

    You will continue to have similar experiences until you learn the lesson they are presenting. Take some time to sit quietly and contemplate these questions. If you have been following my newsletter or blog for a while and have been cultivating your Samyama practice you can bring these lessons to your heart and ask what message they may have for you.

    Be willing to not know what the answer will be.

    The answers may not arise immediately; however if you are faithful to this practice you will begin to notice a shift in your perceptions. You will begin to see a different way of being or of doing things.

    Pay attention, whatever shows up for you is valid, no matter how small it seems.

    Don’t discount it as not important, or applicable to others and not you. Become familiar with how your intuition communicates with you. Once you begin to trust this process in you, it will become second nature.

    I am telling you this as someone who not only didn’t trust my intuition, and who for a very long time denied its very existence. It took me a long time to realize that the way I experience things are valid for me only.
    When you begin to embrace the qualities that make you who you are, you will begin to feel more comfortable in your skin. Use this feeling to confirm that you are on the right track.

    I’d love to hear what you think. Send me an email, or leave a comment below.

  • Dancing With My Inner Rebel

    I’ve been thinking about my inner rebel a lot lately. She’s the one who tries to get my attention by eating gluten, or having that one more glass of wine, or “just a few chips”. She gets my attention all right, my body no longer wants gluten or wine or chips. My body feels better without all those things, but she is persistent. I used to try to ignore her or try to reason with her. That didn’t work; her attempts to get my attention would get louder and more insistent. So I decided to talk to her, to find out what she wanted. As soon as I asked her what she wanted, my body felt lighter, my headache subsided. Now I will tell you that I have engaged her before, she is a part of me that needs to be met, but I never approached her in quite the same way.

    I asked her to dance.

    Yep you heard right, I asked her to dance, and she got giddy, she was noticed, she didn’t have to get my attention by other tactics. She just wants love like all the parts of us that feel neglected and abandoned. Is there a part of you that needs attention? A part of yourself that is trying to get your attention in ways that take you away from living your life to its fullest? This is the gift in learning to listen to your body. You learn what your body needs to feel fully alive. The bonus here is you also meet parts of yourself that have been acting out. By meeting them fully and hearing what they have to tell you, you can harness their energy and they can contribute to your whole self.

    So I danced with my rebel, (yes, literally) and I asked her what she wanted. I have come to love my rebel and I told I want her to express herself in my life. And I need her to express in a way that does not debilitate my body, because these days if my body isn’t feeling good, I don’t have the energy to dance with her. We made a pact to support each other so we can both live fully and joyfully.

    Is there a part of yourself that wants to be expressed that you are fighting? Here are some ways to begin to make peace with those parts of you.

    Every part of us wants to be loved.

    If that sounds like too much right now you can start out by just noticing the parts of you that you may want to “get rid of” or “stop what they are doing”. Just notice, breathe, and start by letting that part of you know that you are noticing. Do this until you feel like you are ready to move deeper with your work around this. If you’re not sure what part of yourself to start with, you too may have a rebel, or a protector, or a teenager, or a vigilant part of yourself. You may have all of these, start with one, the one that you are noticing the most. You can also ask the age of this part of you. Often times a younger version of you did not get their needs met at a certain age and will show up later as that same age with the same unmet feelings.

    Ask the part of yourself you are working with what they want.

    They may not answer right away, this part of you is not used to you paying attention to it. Be compassionate with yourself, and keep asking. You can ask the part of yourself you are working with to write to you, ask any questions you want and let them write when they are ready. There is no time limit on this work, some days might feel easier than others, notice any shifts or changes in your relationship with this part of you.

    As you continue to engage these parts of yourself that you usually try to keep hidden,
    you will learn that they have gifts for you.

    They are a part of you and you can learn to accept them and integrate them into your life. Do you have to dance with them? Only if that is what they want. Maybe they want to write, or draw or paint. Maybe they want to garden or take a walk, or listen to music., or maybe they don’t want you to be so busy. You won’t know for sure until you meet all the wonderful parts that make up you and
    ask them what they want and need from you.

    Meeting all the parts of yourself that you want to hide is the path toward stepping into your fully expressed life.

    I’d love to hear what you think. Send me an email, or comment below.