I am more aware lately of how inundated we are with messages. They are everywhere: on billboards, television, Facebook, and in magazines to name a few places. Everywhere we look we see advice for every issue or problem we may have. These messages have good intentions. Someone found a way to make a problem better, a way that works for them, a way to make life easier or to attain a goal. Yet, if there are so many solutions, why are so many people still looking? Why are they still seeking the one thing that will make the difference to them in their situation? This is an excellent question.
In my work as an Eating Psychology Coach I help people to learn to listen to their own bodies, to find a way to eat and move that are sustainable to their unique body.
Every diet or eating plan out there has good information, however when it is applied to everyone equally some people will find it does not work for them. Learning how to truly nourish your body in alignment with your distinctive needs is a process that begins with slowing down, tuning in and really listening. I help my Eating Psychology clients to hear what their bodies are saying to them, experiment with high quality food and utilize practices to find the right fit for them.
This has a correlation with grief work.
There are as many different ways to meet grief as there are people on this planet.
So often we hear that we should; ” just get over it”, or “get past it”, or “find closure”. When I hear these words I believe the person giving that advice wants to feel better and/or not be reminded of what you are going through. You can find a way to walk your journey with grief that meets your own unique way of being in this world. Your path does not have to resemble anyones. It can be distinctly your journey. Below are some ways of meeting grief.
Choose a time when you will not be disturbed for 30 minutes to an hour. You can take as long as you would like, and when you are first starting this practice, a shorter amount of time may feel more doable.
Begin by closing your eyes and becoming aware of your breathing. If you know Samyama, that is a good way to start. (Learn more about Samyama here.) If not, just start by breathing and bringing awareness to your heart.
Think of a difficult situation from your past, a situation that you successfully moved through. Write down everything about that time that helped you get through it. Keep writing; don’t stop at 2 or 3 things. Even if you are not sure if something helped or not, jot it down. You can repeat this part of the exercise several times using different experiences. This may help you see a pattern.
Now take some time to look over your list(s). Are there things on your list that you find yourself doing often? Things that nourish you or bring you pleasure? Things that comfort you? What did you turn to in every situation that helped you move through these difficult times?
Consider doing one of these activities or practices in response to your feelings of grief. What would this look like for you? Perhaps you can do a ten-minute writing about a feeling, or take a walk and ask for messages from your loved one. Or you could light a candle, think about your loved one and allow yourself to cry. The important part is to honor your own feelings and your own heart. You know what is best for yourself.
Take some time to do this practice regularly, and each time you will discover more and more about your own process, your own way of doing things, the way that makes sense to you…….I’ll give you a hint, your way is consistent with all aspects of your life. When you truly discover it, it will be effortless, and won’t feel like a chore.