Life is full of lessons.
From the time we first make our way into this world we are learning. Our first years are spent familiarizing ourselves with our environment and the people who care for us. We are eager learners taking in all that we see, touch, hear, and taste. The exuberance of a baby is life affirming.
As we grow and begin school our ways of learning change. Some things interest us more than others and we gravitate toward them. Sometimes we become almost obsessed with a topic and we cannot get enough. We read about it, and take every opportunity to engage in activities that brings us into direct contact with our obsession. That obsession can then become a passion. That passion may change from time to time, and thus brings more experiences into our realm of knowing. If we are lucky, this trend continues throughout our life.
But what happens when we find ourselves feeling like we no longer have any inspiration, like we have lost our passion and do not know how to get it back again? Sometimes we go through our lives with blinders on. We think we have enough time to learn what we want to learn, or do what we want to do…..later. But when is later?
My grief journey presented me with a sense of urgency to live life to the fullest.
Are the lessons I learned ones that I would have learned anyway, without the plunge into the deep well of grief? Maybe, some of them. Yes, I was on a path of enlightenment. I was doing inner work, sometimes. However, after Leah died I knew in every cell of my body that losing her was much too high a price to pay to not be exactly who I am.
Early on in my journey I was not sure I would make it. After the early grief stage passed and I came to a place that held a little more peace and was less overwhelming, the urgency to live life to the fullest was there to encourage me.
Spurred on by the knowing that losing my daughter was too high a price to pay to not be who I am led me into some of the deepest work of my life. It was painful; deconstructing a life is always painful, however it was not as painful as not having Leah physically in my life.
I now see this as one of the greatest gifts Leah gave to me, the quest for my True Heart.
The quest to find my authentic self, to live in alignment with that Truth, and most importantly to listen deeply to my own guidance. I came to truly know my Self for the first time. I learned what my guidance, my intuition, really felt like in my body and learned to listen to it with devotion. Through the process of this initiation I learned what brings me pleasure, what nourishes me, how important it is for me to dance and color with my crayons. I learned what does not nourish me and no longer serves me. I have come to call this essence of me that only I can know and understand my Nanci-ness. Only I could be the me that I am, only you can be the you that you are.
Wherever you find yourself in your own grief journey, the possibility exists for you to come into the fullness of who you are. Whether you are mourning the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or lost opportunity, you are at a threshold to self-discovery. I invite you to cross that threshold, to enter the unknown.