All my life I had been fearful of endings. Endings meant I would have to change the way I did things. Endings were uncomfortable. I did everything I could to hold on to things for as long as I could. And then Leah died, and I experienced an ending that I couldn’t undo. It was [...]
Rereading this chapter was interesting. It took me right back into the feelings that I had as I was beginning to find my voice in the middle of my grief journey. For years before Leah died, I had been working thorough childhood wounds. Leah’s death created a sense of urgency that I hadn’t felt before. [...]
If you are like me, the thought of renovating a house brings excitement. Renovations mean newness, new paint colors, new furniture, and perhaps new room configurations. Have you ever considered that in order to renovate, we first have to deconstruct the space? Demolition and deconstruction are messy. It is during this time that we may [...]
At the time of Leah’s death, Samyama had been a part of my life for seven years. It wasn’t a practice that I turned to daily; it was there when I needed a little more assistance contacting to my feelings. I didn’t realize at the time that Samyama would be my lifeline as I began [...]
This chapter foreshadows the birth of my work with clients. As I read about my experience of early grief, I get a sense of going through that time with blinders on. From where I am today, I can see a bigger picture. Back then I felt lost in a maze, not knowing which way to [...]
This was a hard chapter to read, and as I recall it was a hard one to write. It tells the story of my relationship with Leah and some of the struggles we had as she was growing up. I remember when I was writing it that I wanted to be true to the [...]
As I reread this chapter, I immediately saw the roots of my intuition playing out in my life. I saw the tentative way that I mothered my children, and the fledgling awareness of my inner voice making itself known to me as I faced the so many losses. My inner knowing was strong, yet it [...]
This year as I sat with my feelings, I noticed them circling around me, waiting for their turn. It’s almost like they trust me now, so they can wait quietly until I am ready for them.
In this chapter we find out that Leah has been in a car accident on her way to school. She hit a tree, the only one in the middle of a cornfield. As I reread my words and remember the feelings, I was struck by just how much I wasn’t prepared to learn what had [...]
When I said yes to beginning this project of revisiting my book and sharing insights from where I am today, I didn’t consciously know that I would be rereading my words. I am sure I knew it on some level, and if those thoughts had made it to the surface, I may not have said [...]
