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Category: Grief

  • Another Turn of the Spiral of Grief

    I didn’t think it was possible to go any deeper into the initiation of my daughter Leah’s death, I really didn’t. I’ve been at it for almost 14 years now. It led me out of the depths of devastation. It led me to step fully into this work. And yet I find myself going deeper. As I spend my time writing my book and preparing my speech I am revisiting memories that I haven’t thought about for a long time. Each time I do there is a little more insight into my life, Leah’s life and my path here on planet earth. What I realize is that the grief process is a spiral. As I revisit memories of her life and death today, I am ready to go deeper than I did before. The spiral is taking a new turn and from this vantage point things look different. As I look at memories from here and gain new insights, I am reminded that this is now my work. The extent that I am able to engage my own ongoing grief journey is directly related to the way I can show up to help others. This is a humbling realization. The heartening thing for me is that my journey does have a purpose. I really have come into the true expression of myself, a longing that I always had. It just looks different than I ever imagined it would look, and the path it took and is taking is certainly not what I would have chosen, at least consciously.

    Do you have a longing to step into a life that you have always known is possible?

    The good news is that you already have what you are looking for, and the ways to excavate it are already present in your life. If you are ready to discover what your heart already knows, here are some steps you can take to bring you closer to your longing.

    Take a look around.

    Are you finding yourself in some of the same situations again and again and wondering why?

    What is the common denominator with all of them?
    What lessons do these situations have for you?

    Every experience you have is bringing you a lesson that is valid for you and you alone.

    You will continue to have similar experiences until you learn the lesson they are presenting. Take some time to sit quietly and contemplate these questions. If you have been following my newsletter or blog for a while and have been cultivating your Samyama practice you can bring these lessons to your heart and ask what message they may have for you.

    Be willing to not know what the answer will be.

    The answers may not arise immediately; however if you are faithful to this practice you will begin to notice a shift in your perceptions. You will begin to see a different way of being or of doing things.

    Pay attention, whatever shows up for you is valid, no matter how small it seems.

    Don’t discount it as not important, or applicable to others and not you. Become familiar with how your intuition communicates with you. Once you begin to trust this process in you, it will become second nature.

    I am telling you this as someone who not only didn’t trust my intuition, and who for a very long time denied its very existence. It took me a long time to realize that the way I experience things are valid for me only.
    When you begin to embrace the qualities that make you who you are, you will begin to feel more comfortable in your skin. Use this feeling to confirm that you are on the right track.

    I’d love to hear what you think. Send me an email, or leave a comment below.

  • The Cycle of Life…

    As I start this new business I am reminded that is has been almost a year since I left my job to begin my new work. It still amazes me the direction it is now taking. I was reflecting recently about grief as a normal cycle of life. The grief that arises when you leave a long time job, even if it was stressful and no longer serves your higher goals or purpose in life. Or the grief you feel when a relationship changes or ends. Or the grief you feel when you lose a job unexpectedly. Each time your life does not proceed in a way you expected or wanted it to, there can be grief. We don’t often look upon these types of occasions as times of grief. We may be told that everything happens for a reason, better times are ahead, or just to get over it. None of that is helpful when there is grief. How can you meet grief that is a normal cycle of life? I offer a few suggestions below.

    When you lose a job, end a relationship or your life takes some other unexpected turn,
    name it as grief, as a loss, as something or someone you will miss. Take some time to feel the feelings that this loss evokes.

    What are some ways you can make space and time to let these feelings in?

    Honor your feelings.

    Everyone has their own way of processing feelings, and feelings about grief are no different. If you feel sad, let yourself cry. Write about your feelings. Sometimes capturing your feelings in your journal can give you some perspective. How might you honor your feelings in a way that feels true to who you are?

    Give yourself the time you need to process your grief.

    No one knows how long it will take you to shift your feelings, not even you. By diligently attending to your feelings and your process, one day you feel a shift, receive a new insight or awareness and see things differently. Allow yourself to acknowledge these new insights when they come.

    When you allow yourself to process grief in the normal course of your life, you will gain understanding into how you process grief when it is a bigger grief experience. A friend shared with me the observation that all the everyday grief experiences are practice for when we face bigger grief experiences.

    How can you honor your everyday sorrows so you can become more adept at feeling these feelings?

    Be open to surrender and let go when it feels right to do so. Hanging on to things from our past that no longer serve us keeps us from being in the present moment. When we don’t honor our own grieving processes we tend to hold on to things, hoping our experience will change and things will go back to being the way they were. What are some ways you can surrender what no longer serves you? How do you know you are ready to surrender old stuff?

    When we are able to grieve those everyday occurrences in a way that honors where we are we can then move through those experiences and be ready and open to receive whatever is coming our way next. For instance, if we are constantly wondering why we lost our job and rehashing what happened, we may not see the next new possibility that is just around the corner. Staying open requires we stay present.

    How can you stay present?

    What has worked for you in the past?

    I’d love to hear what you think.

  • Howling at the Moon

    Last Friday was my birthday.

    It was not only Friday the 13th and a full moon, (hence the howling) it was my 60th birthday.

    As I approached this milestone I wondered how that number could be associated with my age! Since my experience at the retreat 2 weeks ago, everything has changed. I stepped whole-heartedly into this birthday portal because I have stepped whole-heartedly into my life’s work. I now have a sense of comfort in my body. I am relaxed. I am finding so many of the strategies I used with my eating psychology clients apply here. I have stepped into my true calling. Things are flowing effortlessly, writing, talking about it, and inspiration about how I will bring this work to the world. One of the first things I am doing is mapping out my milestones into short term and long term goals.
    Here are some of the activities that are showing up on my map.

    • I am writing a book.  I have always said I was going to write a book about my experience and now is the time. My book will be an accounting of my experience with Leah’s death and how I navigated the territory of grief to live a joyful and purposeful life. The book will define and inform the programs I will offer to help others navigate their own grief process.Right now the working title of my programs are “3 Levels of Engagement”, with each level going deeper into the process. The first level is early grief, learning to be with your new reality.

      The second, moves beyond the daily shock and numbness of early grief and prepares you to embark on creating a meaningful and purposeful life.
      The third is the alchemy of the initiation, a deeper journey to discover the purpose in your initiation, or rite of passage. It will investigate the lessons there are for you as you learn to live in your new reality and how you can manifest these lessons in the world.

    • I am writing my signature speech.
    • An exploration of grief as a cycle of life. Grief does not only mean the loss of a loved one. Any time life does not turn out the way that you planned, or your dream does not become a reality, there is grief. When you are able to grieve these losses fully you can move to the next phase of life without the burden of your loss. Some examples of this are the loss of a job, the loss of a relationship, or moving away from a place you love.
    • A group program to assist with facing milestone days or holidays.
    • A day long workshop to help those who know someone who has had a devastating loss and help them know what to say or not to say in times of grief.

    These are just some of the ideas that I am working on. I am ready to start seeing clients. If you know anyone who would benefit from my work, please pass this on to them. I am committed to bringing about a shift in the way grief is seen by most people in our world.

    Much love and gratitude for all the blessings I receive as I walk this path.

  • Another Deconstruction

    This past weekend I attended a retreat at the Joyful Journey Hot Springs in Colorado with my Business Priestess coaching group. The retreat provided for wonderful connection with the women in the group, yoga, feminine embodiment work, sharing of good food, breaks in the hot springs, and laser coaching.

    I started a novena, a 9-day prayer ritual, the week before the retreat. I planned it this way so that the 9th day would coincide with the last day of the retreat. My intention for the novena was,

    ” I am ready and willing to step fully into my work. I ask for clarity to unapologetically stand in my Truth to serve the world in alignment with Divine Intent.”

    I spent time each day sitting in prayer with my intent, and writing about my process.
    When it came time for my laser coaching “hot seat” I was feeling a deep connection with all of the other women. My time in the chair came after some amazing work by my sister business priestesses. I watched major breakthroughs and up leveling. I was in awe of the deep work we were doing.

    I wondered what would happen when it way my turn. As I sat in the chair and began describing my business, I also shared one of my revelations from day 2 or 3 of my novena. That the initiation of my daughter Leah’s death birthed me to do the work I was called to do in the world, that a life of joy is possible even after such a devastating life event. I was then asked this question,

    ” Why are you not helping people navigate their grief journeys and showing them the possibilities of a joyful life?”

    I gulped. A part of me said, “but what about all I have done to get Nourished Body Wild Heart launched?” Another part of me said

    “Finally!”

    The leaders of the group continued to skillfully guide me with questions to excavate my true calling. I felt like I was in the company of loving midwives. As I got closer and closer to stepping fully into work as a grief counselor, I felt my body aligning with my purpose. I felt the energy of this work rising from my core. I remembered all the times since Leah died that I said I was going to help others recover a life of joy after losing a loved one.

    And finally, I stepped fully and unapologetically into my work as a grief counselor, and Being With Grief was born.

    My skills as an Eating Psychology Coach will go into my medicine bag along with Samyama and other skills I have learned throughout my own journey.
    The work I did with Nourished Body Wild Heart (NBWH) is important, and I will still do that work with all my current clients, and future clients who want that kind of support. It will be a smaller focus of my business now. I always thought after I fully established NBWH I would add grief work into the mix. Now the reverse is true.
    Part of my work with NBWH is to help my clients step fully into their authentic selves, to discover the work they were meant to bring to the world.

    My own authentic voice finally made herself heard, and I can no longer ignore her voice. I have always said that losing Leah was too high a price to pay to not be who I was meant to be. The work of the past almost 14 years has led me back to my heart.

    “You must forsake a thousand half-loves to bring a whole heart home. ” Rumi

    I will talk more about my process in future newsletters and tell you more about Being With Grief. For now I hope you will continue to receive my newsletters in their new format. This will be the last Nourished Body Wild Heart newsletter; from now on they will go out as Being With Grief.