I returned home from four days in Vegas last week, or maybe it was last year, or yesterday. It was one of those experiences that was timeless and that cellularly changed me once again. The event was called The Stage, and I took the stage to tell my story. What I came to realize is that there are many parts of my story that I have not yet told; some because they are too painful, some because they are too new. What I discovered, yet again, is the power in speaking my story, all of it. It is time for me to begin to share one of the new parts of my story.
On June 13, 2018, I began a yearlong quest.
The day was my 64th birthday. My intention for the quest was to release all that no longer served me in preparation to receive what is mine to carry into the world. Now, as then, as I write those words, I gets shivers in my whole body, the kind that tell me that I am on the right path. In addition, I want to emerge on my 65th birthday in vibrant health, and standing fully in my Queen energy.
These are some of my insights and messages from the first days of my quest. I acknowledged that when I am fully aware and awake in my life that everything that I encounter is in service to my yearlong intention; every experience, every encounter, every insight, everything. Enough time and space will be required to integrate these experiences. I have committed fully to this quest.
As I sat alone with the Divine on my birthday, in a vision a door opened for me; when I went through, everything looked the same as my world now, but there was more clarity. It was as if I was looking through a sharper lens. The message I received was that everything is clearer when experienced in the present moment. I also got the feeling, more than ever, that everything is connected; that the lessons I learn on this quest were seeded in the past, in my childhood, and in all of the experiences I’ve had up until now.
It’s now been almost six months since I began this quest. I am approaching the mid-point. My health is continuing to improve, and I‘ll be embarking on another quest inside this one. One of the health issues I’ve been working on, for longer than this year, is shoulder mobility. What started out as a frozen shoulder, is now full-fledged osteoarthritis. I need shoulder replacement surgery.
This is not a part of the story that I wanted to claim.
I didn’t want to have surgery. I wanted to deny that I needed it and I wanted a miracle. One day a couple of months ago I said this prayer, “I’m ready for my shoulder to be healed and to be pain free, what is the next step?” The very next day I found out I needed surgery. Even remembering that I was told that everything I encounter along this path is a part of this yearlong quest, I wanted to deny it; I wanted to find another answer. This is a big one for me. I don’t like doctors. I look to holistic measures for my health care. And I especially don’t like surgery. The last surgery I had was an emergency C–section almost 38 years ago. Even my subsequent pregnancy was not a C-section. I sat with this situation for a long time. I did research, got an MRI, went back for another consult, and even got a second opinion. I found out that doing all that was not going to grow more cartilage back between the bones of my shoulder joint, no, not even stem cell treatment. I had to go back and remember how quickly my answer came when I said my prayer. And that’s when I got my full body yes. Believe me I wanted it to be a no, but it definitely was a yes. I called and began the scheduling process. Immediately I felt like I was moving forward in my quest. I still don’t like the idea, and when I think too long about my humerus being cut, I start to go down a rabbit hole.
There is a part of me that is being fully awakened, the part of me who knows my Truth, and she is not going away.
During this time my business has been evolving in a big way. It is taking on the texture of my own grief journey. I am learning new ways to tell my story and bring my work into the world. Dan and I are being inspired in new exciting ways to bring our own journey into our work. One of the things I’ve discovered it that the life I am meant to live is not stagnant. I will not reach a certain point and stay there for the rest of my days. The life I am meant to live continues to evolve as I say yes to where life is calling me.
So stay tuned, I’ll be sharing the story of my shoulder surgery, as well as my yearlong quest as I continue to move through it.