Blessings and Grace became the mantra of my grief journey.
I found that each time I was able to meet my feelings of grief in my heart I would receive blessings and grace, each and every single time.
When this first happened, I was perplexed. I didn’t think that I deserved to receive blessing and grace, after my daughter had died. On some level, I blamed myself, and I didn’t think I was deserving of anything that resembled a gift.
Over time, I began to see that the blessings and grace were a direct result of feeling my feelings.
I began to see that by bringing my uncomfortable and painful feelings to my heart; I was healing my heart and making it possible to receive again. I began to see the gifts of blessing and grace were exactly what I needed to continue to meet my grief. It was one of my early breakthroughs during a time when I thought my life was over.
In truth, my life as I knew it was over.
The blessings and grace opened me up to new possibilities amid the devastation in which I found myself living. They were the miracles that gradually brought me back to myself, to a new life, and to the work I was being called to do.
Throughout the years the gifts and blessings have appeared in many different forms. I speak about some specific gifts I received during the early, most tender days of my grief. The gifts haven’t stopped. Each day I meet the day with gratitude for my ability to recognize and acknowledge the gifts and blessings. Some days it is a spectacular sunrise, some days it’s a photo of my granddaughter, and on others it is a reminder from Leah that she is watching over me. I don’t take anything for granted these days.
The blessings I receive allow me to give my gifts with grace.