My journey through grief began in November 2000, when my daughter died in a car crash
As a mother who lost my teenaged daughter Leah in 2000, I fully understand the territory of grief. I founded Being With Grief to help others navigate their own grief journeys, so they can find meaning and even joy in their lives again.
The story of my daughter
In November of 2000, my daughter Leah was in a car accident on her way to school. She spent five days in the hospital with massive brain injuries before she left this world and my life. She was 17.
When I lost Leah, my life changed forever.
I left the hospital in the wee hours of the morning on the day she died. I was in shock. I had no idea how I could go on without her, or if I even wanted to go on. Shortly after that, I had a moment of clarity. I heard a voice within me say,
“Everything you have done up until this point has prepared you for what is coming next.” I had no idea what that meant.
I have always been a seeker.
For as long as I can remember, I have been seeking a way to make my life meaningful. I could not have known that my seeking would be my lifeline when I went through the most devastating experience of my life.
In the days and months that followed Leah’s death, I began the long journey out of that darkness. I often wanted to stay in the dark, in the place where I didn’t have to face my feelings or pain.
I wanted numbness, distraction and diversion.
I wanted anything except trying to find a way to live a meaningful life again. In those moments I didn’t think I would ever find it.
But I began to think that living a life without meaning was too high a price to pay. Leah’s legacy, the gift of her life and being her mother, prompted me to begin to claw my way out of the raw devastation that threatened to leave me congealed in the dead place I found myself.
It was a painful and long journey, where I saw the true nature of my own character.
As a part of my own initiation, I made a discovery. This came to me after a period of deep prayer, meditation and writing. I mention that here because there are no other words to describe how this feels to me than the words that follow.
Leah and I had made an agreement with each other
Although neither of us were consciously aware of it, we agreed to birth each other. I birthed her physically; through her death, she birthed me metaphorically through the initiation of her death.
My own journey through grief brought me into the full back to the Truth of myself, of who I am at my core, and it was the alchemy of the initiation that brought me there.
You’re invited to visit my blog, Leah’sLegacy, my celebration of her life.